Sea of Miracles

Lately I don't feel like posting on here. After my dear cinamuse died and Mike has disappeared (are you alive, Mike?... I am afraid you might be not), I practically left this blog. But I have always known that this is not forever. Anyway, I think I've lost the most of my readers.

Yesterday I found - AGAIN - that internet is a real miracle. I have just posted a photo series on Flickr - of a man, cleaning the sea. I was looking for a decent title of the series. My first idea was "Cleaning an abstract sea". But I felt it wasn't THE RIGHT title. Then I decided to play again - for the 100 time, maybe, the song of Premiata Forneria Marconi and Peter Hammill: Sea of Memory. I had found this song on the site http://peterhammill.com. I just love this site I found some time ago. So, while listening to the song, suddely I got - THIS was my title! So I named the series, put a link to the song and uploaded the photos.

Several SECONDS later, I got a weird email from a Flickr user I didn't know:

"pH/PFM connection?
I ain't c it

how come?"

I guessed that the fellow had found me using Flickr and that he is a fan of VdGG and Hammill, but didn't know about the connection between Hammill and Premiata Forneria Marconi. So I advised him to follow the link to the site. And... he replied that he is the AUTHOR of the site and he had find me thrugh the site's tracker! Then I have registered in the site and I found him there.

Again and again, I realize that Internet is the greatest place to find the right people and to be found by them. Often, even without expecting that.

Fears and IN MEMORIAM

Long time no blogging. I am having serious problems at work that takes much time and energy. And, some of my blog friends are not here anymore.

Have anybody heard from Mike (Goren)? He was a dear friend of mine, but I haven't heard from him since June. I get automatic replies to my emails. I am more than worried, because I know his health is weak.

Do you remember cinamuse (cinas, alcinas...)? A few days ago I was told that she passed away. She had asked me to keep her illness secret. But since some of her friends wrote about her death already, I think keeping her secret is not important anymore.

Although I never met her "in real life", I loved her so much and it is not easy to stop crying now. She was one of the people I have loved the most of my life. And I was not the only person who loved her. She was unique, deep, talented, wit, smart... my language is not enough to describe her... but more important than all her "good qualities" was that she was a plenty of love. I have learnt a lot about love from her. She had love enough for all of us, her friends, she was able to make each of us feel the only one in the world. I have never met anybody so full of love as she were. But sometimes it was not enough to us, sometimes we wanted more and more "pieces" of her... It makes me think that not cancer itself killed her, but love. Her love. Or rather our love. Cancer as a metaphor of our egocentric love to her.

Yes I loved her, but our friendship was not always easy. Twice we got mad at each other, maybe because love was making us too sensible. I remember (with a guilty heart) that the second time I ever told her that I didn't wanted us to talk anymore. I will paste the great part of the reply for you to see what a beautiful soul she were:

Here's what i believe in my heart and know in my mind. You have seen, shared, acknowledged and accepted my darker nature as well as my light, my mistakes, ignorance and foolishness as well as my openness and learning, my insensitive self-absorption as well as my empathy and compassion in action, my sorrows along with my joys.

We are sisters, friends and touching souls. There is nothing that can change that - not a misunderstanding, harsh words, kilometers, oceans, mountains, politics, religions, language barriers or silence - nothing.

She was right. She will always be my sister by soul and I will always love her. Even death can not change this.

When she told me she had cancer and that the doctors said it was too late, I was broken. I couldn't imagine the loss of a so dear one. Let's not explain how I felt, I even don't want to remember. But she was a really brave girl, she was trying to be optimistic and even humorous. She tried many types of chemotherapy and no one worked, but she was fighting and fighting... Although our emails were making me cry, I was trying to be positive and humorous with her too. Her pain was enough, I didn't want her to bear mine.

She was a mysterious muse, she was always deleting her traces - photos, chats, emails, blog posts... A few times I succeeded to steal a photo or two of her before she deleted them. I wish I had stolen more. Sorry, muse. And forgive me that I am not able to delete your emails, comments, etc.

Dear friends, there is a lot of things I would love to tell you about her, but this post is long enough already. And, no matter now long I'd talk, I couldn't make you imagine her as she is in my memory now and love her as I love her.

We both with her liked Peter Gabriel. I tried to find a song to express my feeling about her loss:

GABRIEL PETER lyrics

I remember a joke-poem I once wrote about her (long before she got ill), later I became my testimonial for her at Yahoo 360:

An alien song about the muse

Sometimes she is alien
sometimes she is not
today she is here
tomorrow maybe not
don't get too attached
she wants to be free
she is just constantly changing
our mystic distant muse
on yeah
constantly changing

She enjoyed it and told me it described it well. It is not easy, but let's try to smile...

Frog Music

Listen to the frog music, please :)

My secret stone

Have you heard of Zen gardens? It is said that each Zen garden has a secret stone, and in fact this stone makes the garden. My Zen garden too has its secret stone. I won't reveal it. It is secret. As the green snake said once, secrets enrich our life.

No, I won't tell you.

Late Happy Birthday

One day later, but... Happy Birthday, dear Green Mamba!!!

Happy birthday, Mike!

My dear old net friend Mike (Goren) has a birthday today. Happy birthday, Mike! Have two photos of a Catholic church in Leipzig from me!

Your friend,
The Monster

Hope...

Hope..., originally uploaded by Greenmonster (still busy).

Hope is one of the greatest things in this world. If we have hope, we are strong.

Let me dedicate this photo to a dear friend of mine...

Blog Action Day 2007

It was Blog Action Day yesterday. Of course, as an absent-minded monster, I had missed it. Anyway, I believe it is very important to care about nature around us (and within us).

I haven't been posting on here for long time, but I truly miss you all, my dear friends. I am still dealing with trying to write my PhD, I am posting photos and minding Greenmonster's group more or less, and I am posting sometimes in my not-anonymous blog, because I want many things in Monsterland to change. However, I prefer (and miss) my free and anonymous blogging. Although I am very busy this semester, teaching 18 hours a week and writing, I really need to post in my lovely old blog and to talk to my Yahoo 360 friends.

Dear all, sorry for neglecting you for so long...

Not anonymously?

No, not here. On this blog I will keep being anonymous, like I am on this photo. But a couple of days ago I have created a Monsterlandian blog using my real name and photo. I am not feeling very cozy posing posting in my own language and under my real name.

Well, why did I make this blog then?

I am afraid Monsterland is getting more and more totalitarian. Policemen beat photographers. Then they say that the photographer must has beaten himself alone (?). There was the same case with a protesting miner - he has "beaten himself" too. A Swedish tourist was killed by the guards of a night club (ex policemen) and several policemen has been watching all this without reacting. Then the guards and the policemen said that the Swedish boy has been killed by another Swedish tourist. This is the way police "fight crime" in Monsterland.

But something that happened a few days ago was too much already and affected me to create my not anonymous blog. A Monsterlandian blogger had published in his blog an info about a coming ecologist demonstration. An absolutely peaceful demonstration - the ecologist only wanted Monsterland to do what European union wanted it to do. But because of his post, the blogger has been threatened by the police. By this section of the police that is supposed to fight terrorism and mafia. Imagine??? An innocent blogger has been treated as a terrorist just because he dared to share his opinion!

This case has made many Monsterlandian blogger to protest and I think I shouldn't be quiet anymore. Because, as far as people stay quiet, totalitarianism is coming back.

***
I wasn't active the last month in Blogger. Besides Flickr, I was busy to prepare my paper for a conference in Germany. I travel to Germany tomorrow. Be back in the end of the month. I am kinda stressed, but I hope all will be fine.

Still censorship at Flickr. I keep fighting!

Among my small contributions to the against censorship at Flickr, this one with Kant is my favorite. You can see the other ones below. Fell free to copy, post and modify them if you want to, I'd just prefer if you let me know. (Well, I wouldn't like you to tread my other photos like this LOL, but the fight is more important than authorship.)

The first day of the protest was fun, euphoric somehow. Now I am feeling exhausted, nervous, I am having headache almost all the time. some bright photographers are leaving Flickr. Some of my closest Flickr friends have created accounts in , but they haven't leave Flickr so far. I also have create account in Ipernity to be with them, but I am getting more and more convicted that the better choice is to stay in Flickr. As my good Flickr (and now Ipernity) friend murrehund have said: "I can't leave the bad parts of the world though. Too much invested there I think - emotionally, financially, creatively, socially." (Well my pro account is a gift, but for me it is much more important than if I have purchased it myself.)

I was considering a lot the last days and discussing in Greenmonster's group about whether one should to leave Flickr in this dark censorship situation or not. We feel that we have followed our own principals if we leave. if we stay, nothing seems so clear.

On the other hand, if we leave Flickr, who wins? Flickr staff would feel better, because - less rebels, less problems.

Today I have read a great analysis of the situation in "Against censorship at Flickr" group. The "rebels" are about 10000, all the Flickr members are about 7,5 millions. In case they all have a pro account, if they leave, Flickr will lose $250 000 per year (0,0039 from Yahoo's annual revenue). So the conclusion of Cornelio, the author of this (long) analysis is that we are a MINORITY, so our power is not in leaving Flickr but in the fact we are an ACTIVE minority, we can be noisy and to make Flickr's (and Yahoo's) reputation worse. Reputation is important for big corporations . It means that, like Cornelio says, even if we won't win the "battle", Flickr/Yahoo could win the "war".

I don't know about you, but I will keep fighting.